Dear Louise,

What Happens if One Doesn’t Grieve For Their Loved One?

Hi,

Thank you for your question.  I believe that when a person makes a decision, generally they feel that it’s the best decision they can make for themselves at that moment. Therefore, if a person doesn’t grieve for their loved one then I dare say there must be a good reason.

Let’s look at some of the reasons one might not grieve for their loved one…

1. To do so can be scary. The person may not be ready to accept the fact that the one they love is gone.

2. There could be a fear of expressing the level of intense emotions that grieving can bring about. To succumb to these emotions may make one feel overwhelmed and out of control.

3. This person might feel as though they need to be strong for other loved ones who may be having a hard time.

4. Maybe they are grieving. Perhaps they  are doing it in a way that is unique to who they are which makes it harder for others to understand.

5. Maybe they are grieving, but they choose to release their emotions privately.

6. Lastly, and this one is hard to write, maybe they are not grieving, because the loved one may not have been loved by them for reasons only they know.

This is not an exhaustive list. I’m sure that there are many reason for this type of behavior.  However, I think I should mention that there is almost no wrong way to grieve. The only exception would be if the person were to do something that would endanger their life or the lives of others. If you know someone whom you feel is not grieving the loss of a loved one be patient with him or her.  Be available for them. Accept them and their timetable.  Let them know that whenever they want to talk or pray you are there.  Keep an eye on them, (Please be subtle) Just in case you can impart a kindness without them asking.

The fact that you ask this question says a lot about you.  You seem like a person who cares. If you want more information, do some research on the Internet.  You will find many sites that can offer more insight.

On a personal note, I would like to apologize for the late response to this question.  This question came while I was grieving the death of my brother and I just couldn’t bring myself to answer it.  It took many months before I could get to a place where I could start writing again. I hope it’s not too late.

In conclusion, I will leave you with this quote…

“Grief is a most peculiar thing; we’re so helpless in the face of it. It’s like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it.” Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

Blessings,

Louise