Category Archives: Marriage & Sex

Why We as Women Need to Ease Up On Men. — The Good Men Project

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the plow man better watch out - feb 16, 2008 #...

Why are men the way they are?  Click on the link below and read this great post…

Why We as Women Need to Ease Up On Men. — The Good Men Project.

Yep. They have emotions and insecurities just like us.  Who’da thunk it?

Is it possible to have a relationship where a man can be vulnerable and not come across as weak or immature to his special lady?

What do you think?

I think we need to let go of gender stereotypes and accept people as they are.  In the end, I think we would have less disappointments because we avoided the you-are-supposed-to-be-act-ect-like-this game.

What would authenticity in a relationship look like in you life?

I will leave you with this quote…

“Real connection (and if it’s LOVE, then real love)–goes beyond those not-so-perfect and superficial and idiosyncratic things that simply make us individuals. The trust and longevity of a relationship between two individuals is established through time and learning each other, and discovering a harmony at the core of their connection. And it becomes powerful because of where it resides–at the center of who we are–the very essence of our being.”

-Kelli Jae Baeli

Blessings,

Louise

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thegodmolecule: here is a tribe in Africa where…

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Mother and child, Zimbabwe

This is a beautiful and creative expression of love and nurturing of a child. Please read…

thegodmolecule: here is a tribe in Africa where….

  • If you had to write a song  for your child what would it be?
  • What are some of the lyrics?
  • If  you had a parent who decided to write a song from the moment he/she decided he/she wanted to conceive you, what would you have hoped it would have been?
  • If you had to write a song for your future child with your significant other, could you?  Why/why not?

I leave you with this quote…

“Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.”  David Ogden Stiers

Blessings,

Louise


Read more at 

This Recently Married Man Just Realized Marriage Is Not For Him

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I just read this blog post and had to share it with you.  Don’t be fooled by the title. If you are married or thinking about getting married, you need to read this…

This Recently Married Man Just Realized Marriage Is Not For Him.’

Now ask yourself the following questions:

1. “What type of sacrifices am I willing to make for my spouse?”

2. “Am I making these types sacrifices currently in my life?”

3. “If not, what is keeping me from doing so?”

If you don’t have any answers, I invite you to think seriously about it.

I would love to read your thoughts on this. Post your answers below!

In the meantime, I will leave you with this quote…

” There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep a house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.”  Homer

Blessings,

Louise

Question number two: Why do I keep attracting men who are married or in a relationship?

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“Dear Louise,

Congratulations on your new blog! I am so happy for you!  This is my question. Why do I keep attracting men who are taken (married, in a relationship)?  I know my worth and I am above playing second fiddle! These guys are disgusting!  Yet that is all I seem to be attracting.  No one single.  But if they are in a relationship, they seem to find time to harass me. What am I doing wrong? The worst part is that they are in the church!!! Why can’t I attract someone who is single? Am I sending out a wrong vibe?  If so, what can I do to change that and attract a good SINGLE man?”

Hi There!

Thank you for your uplifting words.  Please feel free to share this blog with all of your friends.  I hope it’s a blessing to you.  As for your question… It’s really disappointing to hear that this type of behavior is going on period, much less in the church.  unfortunately, this is one of the pitfalls that a single woman has to look out for.  There are men out there (yes, even in the church) who just aren’t honorable.  They are selfish, self-absorbed liars that look out only for number one.  In the interest of fairness, I want to state that I know that there are women like this as well.  I don’t want to be unfair.  Since this question came from a woman, we will approach this from a female perspective.  I met a woman who approached me with the same situation. it all about killed her self-esteem because she felt so dirty after each encounter.  She wondered if these men spoke to each other because their behavior was so similar.  After some serious questioning and soul-searching we discovered the following that you might find helpful in your situation…

1.  Sometimes we attract the wrong men because we’re subconsciously afraid of attracting the right one. Attracting a good man offers the possibility of a committed relationship, and that can be scary. So I want you to ask yourself, “If Mr. right were to show up right now, would I be ready to receive him?” “Am I sure?” Why? Why not?  If your answer is no.  You might have a wall up that is blocking him or anyone like him from accessing you yet allowing mr. wrong in because you know they have no chance whatsoever.

2. There ARE single men around but they aren’t viewed by you as attractive. My good friend came up with this theory that the majority of men or women spend their time chasing and being attracted to the same eight people who everyone else wants.  There is no way that these eight individuals can marry everyone therefore someone will lose out.  However, while this chase is going on good, viable single men and women are simultaneously being overlooked because they do not meet the “criteria” (which is more often than not, superficial).  If they are being overlooked guess what’s left?  All you will see are the bad apples.  Take a good look around you.  Are you really ONLY attracting married and taken men Or are there any single men that are approaching you but you are not noticing because they are not your “type”?  I am not telling  you to lower your standards, I am asking you to look at your mental list and see if it’s realistic or reasonable. It just might need some tweaking…

3.  Stop being so nice! Let me tell you what I mean by nice.  I think the word nice is misunderstood therefore misused.  Women are raised to be nice all of the time.  Remember the story the Bible of the 10 virgins in Mt 25:6 – 7 ?  Five were wise and five were foolish.  The foolish virgins used up their lamp oil and asked the wise virgins to share their oil with them.  The wise virgins did something that women rarely do. They refused, stating that there was not enough oil for everyone.  They went so far as to instruct the foolish virgins to go buy their own oil. While the five foolish virgins were buying their oil they missed out on receiving the bridegroom.  Had the wise virgins given away their oil then all ten would have missed out.  This is a great example of women setting clear and healthy boundaries which makes this story unique.  Most of the women I know would have given the oil and asked God why they missed out.  There are times in your life when it’s appropriate to set up clear boundaries to protect yourself. Please note: Even if it means hurting someone else’s feelings (not intentionally, mind you, but it happens).  Too often, I see a woman get hurt because she thought to be nice (AKA a good Christian) is synonymous with being a doormat. Manipulative individuals bank on this belief in order to get away with bad behavior.  Please protect yourself!

You may be sending a subconscious message to these men, but they are also sending a message to you.  It is one that says they do not respect you, their family, God and themselves.  Feel free to set your boundaries clearly and firmly.  Give no thought to their feelings, they are obviously not thinking about yours.

I know that there are exceptions to every rule, but if this is happening to you constantly then something is up.  Please search your heart to discover what you really want and when you want it.  Does it line up with God’s will for your life?  If so, embody it and your non-verbal messages will be clear for all to see.

I leave you with this quote.

“It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.”
~W.C. Fields

All the best,

Louise

Feel free to leave a comment below.  If you have any questions send them to me at lifeaccordingtolouise@gmail.com.  I would love to hear from you!  Just remember, I am not a licensed therapist. You will get your answer based on life according to me – Louise.  Blessings!

Question number one: What do you do if your spouse’s sex drive is not the same as yours?

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“Dear Louise,

What do you do if your spouse’s sex drive is not the same as yours?  Ok. Here is the situation.  I have a high sex drive. My husband?  Not as much… We both work hard everyday and by the time we come home he needs to relax and so do I.  The thing is the release that I get from sex is what helps me to relax.  Now, I don’t want to be a pain to my husband, so in order to give him peace, I purchased some “toys” to do the work when he is not able to accommodate me.  Let me be clear… He accommodates me often, I just happen to have a high libido.  He has recently shared with me that he feels offended by my “toys” and wants me to get rid of them.  I told him that I need this release in order to sleep.  I don’t drink alcohol or take drugs and warm milk will not do.  What do you suggest I do in this situation?  

Sincerely,

A.T. in IN”

Wow!  This literally was the first question that I received for this blog. Well Congratulations!  I hope the advice you find here will help you.  First of all, I would like to say that I am not and have never been married.  Therefore I can’t fully relate to your situation.  But I really care about you, and I am passionate about the sanctity of marriage, so I will make an attempt to help.  I want commend you and your spouse for being open and honest enough with one another to be able to talk freely about this.  I also want to commend you for finding a solution in something else as opposed to someone else.  I think you have good reason to be concerned about your spouse’s feelings. Sex is such a private matter.  The rules of engagement should really reside within the marriage.  However, since you asked, my advice for you would be the following:

1.  Keep it private:

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT bring anyone else in your business!  People often react in strange ways when they are aware of an awkward situation in someone else’s relationship.  When you share such personal information with a person that is not properly trained to handle it you risk gossip, sabotage, ridicule and any number of inappropriate behavior. If you must share it with someone, please follow advice number two.

2. Speak to a licensed professional:

You may be surprised (even relieved) to find out that your story is not unique. There are many licensed professionals who deal with this very issue.  You just need to know which ones to go to.  I recommend a good sex therapist or a marriage and family life therapist.  They deal with the issues of sex in a marriage more often than people realize.  This would reduce the chance of having to deal with inapropriate reactions. In addition, they are, by contract, obligated to keep your sessions private.  You want a mature and safe haven to discuss and resolve these matters.  As you can tell, I am big on privacy, (which is ironic, because I have a blog).  I have seen way too many situations where someone’s privacy was violated because they trusted the wrong person.  I am more so cautious because this concerns your marriage, which I want you to protect and preserve at all cost.  The third and final advice that I have to give to you is this…

3. Re-negotiate your deal:

In other words, bring the issue back to the table. Ask your spouse for their advice in your situation.  Are they willing to step up to the plate? Maybe they are…  if not, what are they suggesting?  Is there a deeper issue that they are not talking about?  Did you do your part in finding out  and doing what turns them on?  Do you or your spouse have a hormonal imbalance?  Do either of you have any sexual issues or baggages?  Ask yourself, is this really THAT important?  If it is, can there be a compromise?  In the grand scheme of things, is this a non negotiable situation?  What about love?  What about accountability? The love you feel for each other can enhance sex.  So what is really going on? Please take time to place yourselves in each other’s shoes. Ask yourselves, “Am I being reasonable?”

In my personal experience, I noticed that being open and vulnerable has always been helpful. You obviously love each other. I believe that you will find a solution. I will leave you with this quote,

“Lovers do not finally meet somewhere. They are in each other all along.” 
~Rumi 

I wish you all the best. Literally 😉

Blessings,

Louise