I was in a relationship for three years with a guy that I felt was “the one”. We recently broke up (his idea) and soon after he started dating someone else. I am heartbroken and I can’t stop crying. What do I do?
Breakups are painful. Especially if you have to watch the one you love move on with someone else. Sooner or later, everyone faces rejection and it’s never easy. I want to encourage and affirm your decision of taking steps for recovery. It shows that you are courageous. Here are some tips that has helped me over the years.
1. Be gentle with yourself.
Right now your emotions are like delicate china. Please be gentle and patient with yourself. This is not the time to beat yourself up, or do anything that might be harmful to your body, mind or spirit. Allot a short period of time to grieve. Do things that are loving towards yourself, like going to a spa for a manicure or a massage and meditate on healing words, music, and promises in scriptures. For example, here are two Bible references that I found helpful in the past:
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
or Jeremiah 30:17
“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD, `because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.”
I had a massage once while nursing a broken heart. I went because of a previously made appointment not because of my broken heart. I felt like the masseuse was massaging all of my emotions to the surface. I let out tears as she worked on my back until it was all gone. It was an amazing experience.
2. Be intentional about putting the pain behind you.
Though I said you need to be gentle with yourself, you must also be purposeful about putting the pain behind you in order to live fully again. I don’t mean go into denial. You don’t want to get stuck in a painful rut. Make moves to move forward. Separate yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally from this person. You have to break the ties that bound you together as a couple. Plan activities that you will find fulfilling away from your ex. Get involved in a charitable project. Create a fresh new vision your life without this person and follow through.
3. Seek counseling.
Find someone to talk to like a good friend or join a women’s group. Sometimes a breakup can cause depression. You may have developed issues of trust and fear being hurt again. If so, a professional counselor or therapist that can help guide you back to normalcy. They can also assist you in plotting out a course for your future. Also read books and articles offering advice on this topic. There is a lot of information out there. Much more than what can be covered in this blog.
The end goal is to be able to love and trust in a positive light again. You were meant to live more abundantly. If you are clear on your intentions you will get past this and live and love again. Until then, I will leave you with this quote.
“When we are in love, we are convinced nobody else will do. But as time goes, others do do, and often do do, much much better.”
– Coco Ginger
All the Best,
Do you have any comments, or advice? Feel free to post them! I just ask that you remain respectful in what you say. If you have any questions send them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would love to hear from you! Just remember, I am not a licensed therapist therefore not liable for any adverse reaction to this blog. You will get your answer based on life according to me – Louise. Blessings!
Thanks for sharing Louise. I think it’s so easy to beat ourselves up over a breakup but as you said being gentle is a must. I also appreciate the comment about seeking counseling. We don’t have to shy away from professional help or the aid of good books because it has its place in the healing process. Great post!
I think that we don’t utilize enough the resources for help that are around us. There is nothing wrong with making yourself a priority. The world needs everyone to operate at optimum capacity. Anything else and we all lose out.
Very insightful! At times, break-ups often make us feel like a failure somehow, as if we didn’t have what it takes to sustain and/or maintain the relationship. It’s my opinion that at times, the break-up is necessary for the individual’s launching in fulfilling their God-given purpose. Too often, we’re so engrossed in the relationship that we lose ourselves, our goals, our passions, and our God-dreams. I’m not saying that being in a relationship is a bad thing, but at some point it can become stifling to the purpose of God for your own life. While it hurts now, later it may actually prove to be the best thing for you. You’re a fabulous person with a fabulous outlook, don’t let this “interruption ” further disengage you from living your full life. Love will find you!
I hear you, Sabine.
There is a danger of allowing a relationship to consume every aspect of our lives and lose who we are at the core if we are not careful. Setting healthy boundaries in relationships are a constant challenge. Thank you for that.
Louise, very appropriate advise !!!! This is always a very challenging time in all of our lives, but the tools you discussed are absolutely the best ways to deal with this situation.
Thank you Sandria!
This was amazing advice. I would also tell her not to allow for her emotions to take over who she is. Remember always that you are not your circumstance. 🙂
You just did 🙂 Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
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