“Dear Louise,

I was in a relationship for three years with a guy that I felt was “the one”.  We recently broke up (his idea) and soon after he started dating someone else.  I am heartbroken and I can’t stop crying. What do I do?

Sincerely,

Broken”

Dear Broken,

Breakups are painful.  Especially if you have to watch the one you love move on with someone else.  Sooner or later, everyone faces rejection and it’s never easy.  I want to encourage and affirm your decision of taking steps for recovery.  It shows that you are courageous.  Here are some tips that has helped me over the years.

1.  Be gentle with yourself.

Right now your emotions are like delicate china. Please be gentle and patient with yourself.  This is not the time to beat yourself up, or do anything that might be harmful to your body, mind or spirit.  Allot a short period of time to grieve.  Do things that are loving towards yourself, like going to a spa for a manicure or a massage and meditate on healing words, music, and promises in scriptures. For example, here are two Bible references that I found helpful in the past:

Isaiah 41:10

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

or Jeremiah 30:17

“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD, `because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.”

I had a massage once while nursing a broken heart.  I went because of a previously made appointment not because of my broken heart. I  felt like the masseuse was massaging all of my emotions to the surface.  I let out tears as she worked on my back until it was all gone. It was an amazing experience.

2. Be intentional about putting the pain behind you.

Though I said you need to be gentle with yourself, you must also be purposeful about putting the pain behind you in order to live fully again.  I don’t mean go into denial.  You don’t want to get stuck in a painful rut.   Make moves to move forward. Separate yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally from this person.  You have to break the ties that bound you together as a couple.  Plan activities that you will find fulfilling away from your ex. Get involved in a charitable project.  Create a fresh new vision  your life without this person and follow through.

3. Seek counseling.

Find someone to talk to like a good friend or join a women’s group.  Sometimes a breakup can cause depression.  You may have developed issues of trust and fear being hurt again.   If so, a professional counselor or therapist that can help guide you  back to normalcy. They can also assist you in plotting out a course for your future. Also read books and articles offering advice on this topic.  There is a lot of information out there.  Much more than what can be covered in this blog.

The end goal is to be able to love and trust in a positive light again.  You were meant to live more abundantly.  If you are clear on your intentions you will get past this and live and love again.  Until then,  I will leave you with this quote.

“When we are in love, we are convinced nobody else will do. But as time goes, others do do, and often do do, much much better.” 
– Coco Ginger

All the Best,

Louise

Do you have any comments, or advice?  Feel free to post them!  I just ask that you remain respectful in what you say.   If you have any questions send them to me at lifeaccordingtolouise@gmail.com.  I would love to hear from you!  Just remember, I am not a licensed therapist therefore not liable for any adverse reaction to this blog. You will get your answer based on life according to me – Louise.  Blessings!