Tag Archives: rejected

Question number 10: Why are men slow when it comes to asking me out?

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Dear Louise, 

I am a beautiful single woman and I am tired of it.  I know a lot of guys but none of them are asking me out.  I know for a fact that there are one or two who are attracted to me but they are not making any moves.  What is up with guys nowadays?  I feel like they are lazy, or too intimidated to ask me out.  What is the deal?

Sincerely,

Tired

Dear Tired,

Come my child… Let me give you a hug… There, there little one.  All will be well.  I want to start by apologizing for the late reply.  I recently relocated to NYC and the move was a little bit hectic.  Yet I have missed you, my readers much!  Ok, back to your question.  Unfortunately, yours is a common problem.  I have heard countless complaints about women who feel like they are left on a shelf somewhere constantly overlooked by men and I want you to know that my heart goes out to you.  There is a group of strong, independent, beautiful women who are perplexed because they are still single and rightly so. If you are the package, (beautiful, educated, employed, intelligent, funny, kind, you name it…) why are you single???  This is mind-boggling…  Well I have been talking to my group of male confidants to find an answer and I will share with you some of the things I have found out…

1. Men are confused

Why are men confused, you ask?  because you are sending mixed signals!  I said it!  Don’t bother to deny it!  Yes you are!!!  Listen, you walk into a room you notice him immediately and you know he notices you. You become excited then you begin to play what I call ‘crazy games’.  He tries to say hi to you but you ignore him.  You let him say hi to you but you spend the bulk of your time talking to everyone but him.  You put him in the friend zone.  You say mean things to him.  Why?  Because this is your version of playing “hard to get”.  Heaven forbid he would think that you were open.  He might mistake it for being easy.  Should you be easy?  Of course not!  But I think that the definitions of easy and hard to get needs to be looked at again.  Ask yourself, what should being easy or playing hard to get look like in my life?

2. Men are realistic

Before a guy approaches you he studies you and pretty much knows if you are ready to be approached by him for real.  Its kind of scary what he knows about you by the time he  has a serious conversation with you. He may already know that you wouldn’t give him the time of day because he doesn’t dress right or present himself like the guy he knows you actually have a crush on… Do you know that there is a a group of men who feels like they are on the shelf as well?  this is because a lot of women are too busy chasing mr. popularity, mr. dress well/looks fine, mr. deep voice tall man with shiny shoes and he knows for a fact that he doesn’t fall within that category.  Why bother if you know you are wasting your time.  It’s not realistic. That’s what he said…

3. Men are intimidated

I know, I know… Steve Harvey has asked us to switch the word out for ashamed.  In his book, “Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man”  he mentioned that a man might feel shame because he doesn’t feel like he is at the level he needs to be to court a woman like you and I agree with him. However, I don’t know if shame encompasses everything.   When he look at someone he is interested he sees you as high and exalted.  Sometimes women can be scary.  Especially if they don’t-need-a-man-for-anything!  I was talking to a male friend of mine the other day and he shared with me that men wanted to be the ‘Hero’ in the life of the women they loved.  He wants to be able to save the day for her, but we live in a place where unfortunately a lot of women are not allowing men the chance to be there for them.  Here’s an example…  I was in room filled with people at an event that just ended.  The event coordinators were primarily women – beautiful women.  They began the clean up process which included breaking down tables and putting chairs away.  When a few of them went lift a table a few men volunteered to help.  They instantly said no that they had it under control.  I watch the men insist (you could tell they wanted to do something nice for these ladies) but the ladies insisted vehemently that they “Have got this”.  Attention Ladies: If a man wants to be chivalrous please, Please, PLEASE let them. Get used to having the opposite sex cater to you.  Not just your romantic partner, your father, uncle, brother, male friend, neighbor.  Enjoy the perks of being a woman.  We all know that you can do it for yourself.  Everyone knows that you are more than capable of handling anything that comes your way, but isn’t it nice when someone else steps in and helps out just because they want to be nice.. to you???  I have seen women become so angry over a man trying to be polite that he gave up.  it’s intimidating to try to swim through all of that force.  Be careful that your wonder woman persona doesn’t get in the way of love.  To everything there is a season.  There’s a time to give and a time to receive.  I beg of you, please, when the opportunity comes, receive gracefully.

Ok… I think I have said enough for now.

I will leave you with this quote. “You don’t have to be perfect to let somebody love you. Remember, being yourself is the best way to make somebody fall in love with you.”  -Unknown

All the best,

Louise

Have any advice?  Share it!  If you have any comments, feel free to post them below.  Any questions can be sent to lifeaccordingtolouise1@gmail.com

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Question number three: How can I get over a broken heart?

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“Dear Louise,

I was in a relationship for three years with a guy that I felt was “the one”.  We recently broke up (his idea) and soon after he started dating someone else.  I am heartbroken and I can’t stop crying. What do I do?

Sincerely,

Broken”

Dear Broken,

Breakups are painful.  Especially if you have to watch the one you love move on with someone else.  Sooner or later, everyone faces rejection and it’s never easy.  I want to encourage and affirm your decision of taking steps for recovery.  It shows that you are courageous.  Here are some tips that has helped me over the years.

1.  Be gentle with yourself.

Right now your emotions are like delicate china. Please be gentle and patient with yourself.  This is not the time to beat yourself up, or do anything that might be harmful to your body, mind or spirit.  Allot a short period of time to grieve.  Do things that are loving towards yourself, like going to a spa for a manicure or a massage and meditate on healing words, music, and promises in scriptures. For example, here are two Bible references that I found helpful in the past:

Isaiah 41:10

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

or Jeremiah 30:17

“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD, `because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.”

I had a massage once while nursing a broken heart.  I went because of a previously made appointment not because of my broken heart. I  felt like the masseuse was massaging all of my emotions to the surface.  I let out tears as she worked on my back until it was all gone. It was an amazing experience.

2. Be intentional about putting the pain behind you.

Though I said you need to be gentle with yourself, you must also be purposeful about putting the pain behind you in order to live fully again.  I don’t mean go into denial.  You don’t want to get stuck in a painful rut.   Make moves to move forward. Separate yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally from this person.  You have to break the ties that bound you together as a couple.  Plan activities that you will find fulfilling away from your ex. Get involved in a charitable project.  Create a fresh new vision  your life without this person and follow through.

3. Seek counseling.

Find someone to talk to like a good friend or join a women’s group.  Sometimes a breakup can cause depression.  You may have developed issues of trust and fear being hurt again.   If so, a professional counselor or therapist that can help guide you  back to normalcy. They can also assist you in plotting out a course for your future. Also read books and articles offering advice on this topic.  There is a lot of information out there.  Much more than what can be covered in this blog.

The end goal is to be able to love and trust in a positive light again.  You were meant to live more abundantly.  If you are clear on your intentions you will get past this and live and love again.  Until then,  I will leave you with this quote.

“When we are in love, we are convinced nobody else will do. But as time goes, others do do, and often do do, much much better.” 
– Coco Ginger

All the Best,

Louise

Do you have any comments, or advice?  Feel free to post them!  I just ask that you remain respectful in what you say.   If you have any questions send them to me at lifeaccordingtolouise@gmail.com.  I would love to hear from you!  Just remember, I am not a licensed therapist therefore not liable for any adverse reaction to this blog. You will get your answer based on life according to me – Louise.  Blessings!