Dear Louise, 

I am a beautiful single woman and I am tired of it.  I know a lot of guys but none of them are asking me out.  I know for a fact that there are one or two who are attracted to me but they are not making any moves.  What is up with guys nowadays?  I feel like they are lazy, or too intimidated to ask me out.  What is the deal?

Sincerely,

Tired

Dear Tired,

Come my child… Let me give you a hug… There, there little one.  All will be well.  I want to start by apologizing for the late reply.  I recently relocated to NYC and the move was a little bit hectic.  Yet I have missed you, my readers much!  Ok, back to your question.  Unfortunately, yours is a common problem.  I have heard countless complaints about women who feel like they are left on a shelf somewhere constantly overlooked by men and I want you to know that my heart goes out to you.  There is a group of strong, independent, beautiful women who are perplexed because they are still single and rightly so. If you are the package, (beautiful, educated, employed, intelligent, funny, kind, you name it…) why are you single???  This is mind-boggling…  Well I have been talking to my group of male confidants to find an answer and I will share with you some of the things I have found out…

1. Men are confused

Why are men confused, you ask?  because you are sending mixed signals!  I said it!  Don’t bother to deny it!  Yes you are!!!  Listen, you walk into a room you notice him immediately and you know he notices you. You become excited then you begin to play what I call ‘crazy games’.  He tries to say hi to you but you ignore him.  You let him say hi to you but you spend the bulk of your time talking to everyone but him.  You put him in the friend zone.  You say mean things to him.  Why?  Because this is your version of playing “hard to get”.  Heaven forbid he would think that you were open.  He might mistake it for being easy.  Should you be easy?  Of course not!  But I think that the definitions of easy and hard to get needs to be looked at again.  Ask yourself, what should being easy or playing hard to get look like in my life?

2. Men are realistic

Before a guy approaches you he studies you and pretty much knows if you are ready to be approached by him for real.  Its kind of scary what he knows about you by the time he  has a serious conversation with you. He may already know that you wouldn’t give him the time of day because he doesn’t dress right or present himself like the guy he knows you actually have a crush on… Do you know that there is a a group of men who feels like they are on the shelf as well?  this is because a lot of women are too busy chasing mr. popularity, mr. dress well/looks fine, mr. deep voice tall man with shiny shoes and he knows for a fact that he doesn’t fall within that category.  Why bother if you know you are wasting your time.  It’s not realistic. That’s what he said…

3. Men are intimidated

I know, I know… Steve Harvey has asked us to switch the word out for ashamed.  In his book, “Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man”  he mentioned that a man might feel shame because he doesn’t feel like he is at the level he needs to be to court a woman like you and I agree with him. However, I don’t know if shame encompasses everything.   When he look at someone he is interested he sees you as high and exalted.  Sometimes women can be scary.  Especially if they don’t-need-a-man-for-anything!  I was talking to a male friend of mine the other day and he shared with me that men wanted to be the ‘Hero’ in the life of the women they loved.  He wants to be able to save the day for her, but we live in a place where unfortunately a lot of women are not allowing men the chance to be there for them.  Here’s an example…  I was in room filled with people at an event that just ended.  The event coordinators were primarily women – beautiful women.  They began the clean up process which included breaking down tables and putting chairs away.  When a few of them went lift a table a few men volunteered to help.  They instantly said no that they had it under control.  I watch the men insist (you could tell they wanted to do something nice for these ladies) but the ladies insisted vehemently that they “Have got this”.  Attention Ladies: If a man wants to be chivalrous please, Please, PLEASE let them. Get used to having the opposite sex cater to you.  Not just your romantic partner, your father, uncle, brother, male friend, neighbor.  Enjoy the perks of being a woman.  We all know that you can do it for yourself.  Everyone knows that you are more than capable of handling anything that comes your way, but isn’t it nice when someone else steps in and helps out just because they want to be nice.. to you???  I have seen women become so angry over a man trying to be polite that he gave up.  it’s intimidating to try to swim through all of that force.  Be careful that your wonder woman persona doesn’t get in the way of love.  To everything there is a season.  There’s a time to give and a time to receive.  I beg of you, please, when the opportunity comes, receive gracefully.

Ok… I think I have said enough for now.

I will leave you with this quote. “You don’t have to be perfect to let somebody love you. Remember, being yourself is the best way to make somebody fall in love with you.”  -Unknown

All the best,

Louise

Have any advice?  Share it!  If you have any comments, feel free to post them below.  Any questions can be sent to lifeaccordingtolouise1@gmail.com